New 365
KTLK-dB RADIO ONLINE 24/7
Santa, it seems, can be kinda scary. *
The happiest time of the year isn’t happy for everyone.
If enough people fear a thing, we invent a word to describe it. Christmas has its own laundry list:
Christougenniatikophobia: fear of Christmas
Syngenesophobia: fear of family / family gatherings
Heortophobia: fear of celebrating events
Ghabhphobia: fear of receiving gifts
Pediophobia: fear of lifelike dolls or toys (Annabelle, anyone?)
Selaphobia: aversion or fear of flashing lights
Tarandophobia: fear of reindeer
Agoraphobia: literally, “fear of the marketplace” – malls, stores, airports, etc
Doronophobia: fear of opening gifts
If you’re having a rough holiday season, hang in there. It’ll be over soon and we can get back to other things that make us happy.
We’ve all witnessed this scene: the kid sitting on Santa’s lap in the mall, screaming and crying while Mom tries to get him to smile for a free Polaroid.
Isn’t that a long way to go for a shitty picture of a bad memory?
No wonder many are traumatized by the big red suit:
It really isn’t his fault, you know. He tries hard and gets a bad rap. I can hear him now:
“You all think Christmas just happens? You think all this good will just falls from the freakin’ sky? Well, it doesn’t! It falls out of my holly jolly butt!”**
Can’t you imagine Santa muttering and sputtering, a huge heavy bag on his back, reindeer shit on his boots, soot in his nose, and thoroughly sick of us ungrateful brutes?
If you’ve ever pulled a triple shift, you know it sucks. You just wanna get home, crack a beer, and put your feet up. Poor Santa…
He’d pen this Mastodon post: “Look, I’m a nice person – ask my wife. I’m basically just a UPS delivery guy in a red suit these days. Your awful Aunt Hattie’s constant griping isn’t something I have control over. I can’t fix the salty canned ham. I can’t shut up screaming toddlers. What I CAN do is tuck a few doobies in the tree so you can tolerate it all. Merry F’ing Christmas.”
Poor Santa – he’s become a scapegoat. No wonder he only ventures out once a year.
Let’s give him (and ourselves) a break by being less naughty/more nice – at least until NYE?
Written by: maia
christmas christmas sucks holidays phobia reindeer santa yule
Become an Outsider and stay up-to-date with all things fringe
COPYRIGHT FRINGE MEDIA GROUP LLC